So I’m back…
Head of Media and Communications in a random Melbourne University lecture theatre, welcoming the undergraduates*: ”you should all be very proud of yourselves for coming this far — apart from Biomedicine, this cohort contains the highest percentage of perfect or near-perfect scores achieved by high school leavers…”
V: *feels self-satisfied*
Head of Media and Communications: “…of course, this just means you’ll all be competing fiercely against each other for good marks in your subjects.”
V: “shit.”
***
So I’m finally back home after five extremely excellent months living and travelling through Asia, which also means I’m currently in the throes of mild but everpresent reverse culture shock. Nothing’s upset or pissed me off too much so far, but I haven’t exactly re-integrated into society yet either. But seeing as it’s just a day after Australia Day** (which I only remembered after queueing behind some lobster-complexioned lasses in Australian flag dresses at the airport), I thought I’d share with you all my thoughts on being back in Melbourne.
1. Where did all these pale, hairy, large-limbed and extremely loud people come from, and why are they speaking English?
2. Giving the trams a new exterior paint job does not make them any less infrequent and slow.
3. Ravioli! Ravioli! And the pizza…OMG, it actually tastes like food! *slobbers some*
4. $2.50 water? That’s so cheap! *mentally multiplies this by six* …or maybe not so cheap. But there’s something about overpriced Mount Franklin water that soothes the soul (and then you remember it’s owned by Coca-Cola).
5. People here read books in the wrong direction.
6. Melbourne’s skyscrapers are numerous enough to fit inside a petri dish.
7. I haz balcony. Hawr hawr hawr.
8. What do you mean I can’t have a 20 minute shower!?
9. People actually care when you accidentally bump into them.
10. Cats! I have cats again! *squeezes them both and consequently discovers a large deposit of fur on t-shirt* Cats…I have cats again…
Ah, Melbourne.***
*Paraphrased. It’s too early in the year to be taking notes.
**Referred to by me and mine more commonly as Invasion Day.
***I swear that’s not patriotism. It’s irony, or cynicism, or nostalgia. Or something.
I think the ockerness of some of of the Aussies at the airport had to do with their recent holiday in Bali, which they were trying to hang onto by wearing batik clothing, thongs and hair in dreadlocks.
Welcome back.
I think your course welcome beats my first year farewell:
“Now that you’ve finished first year you probably know more about stuff this than 99% of people. Even if you’re a loser and drop out now, you’ll still have something to take with you for the rest of your life.”
Re: 2. Apparently they have started cleaning the inside of Werribee trains again. As far as I can tell this is the only change that has been made to the trains apart from covering up all the Connex logos.