V: *feels self-satisfied*

Head of Media and Communications: “…of course, this just means you’ll all be competing fiercely against each other for good marks in your subjects.”

V: “shit.”

***

So I’m finally back home after five extremely excellent months living and travelling through Asia, which also means I’m currently in the throes of mild but everpresent reverse culture shock. Nothing’s upset or pissed me off too much so far, but I haven’t exactly re-integrated into society yet either. But seeing as it’s just a day after Australia Day** (which I only remembered after queueing behind some lobster-complexioned lasses in Australian flag dresses at the airport), I thought I’d share with you all my thoughts on being back in Melbourne.

1.  Where did all these pale, hairy, large-limbed and extremely loud people come from, and why are they speaking English?

2. Giving the trams a new exterior paint job does not make them any less infrequent and slow.

3. Ravioli! Ravioli! And the pizza…OMG, it actually tastes like food! *slobbers some*

4. $2.50 water? That’s so cheap! *mentally multiplies this by six* …or maybe not so cheap. But there’s something about overpriced Mount Franklin water that soothes the soul (and then you remember it’s owned by Coca-Cola).

5. People here read books in the wrong direction.

6. Melbourne’s skyscrapers are numerous enough to fit inside a petri dish.

7. I haz balcony. Hawr hawr hawr.

8. What do you mean I can’t have a 20 minute shower!?

9. People actually care when you accidentally bump into them.

10. Cats! I have cats again! *squeezes them both and consequently discovers a large deposit of fur on t-shirt* Cats…I have cats again…

Ah, Melbourne.***

*Paraphrased. It’s too early in the year to be taking notes.

**Referred to by me and mine more commonly as Invasion Day.

***I swear that’s not patriotism. It’s irony, or cynicism, or nostalgia. Or something.